you make me feel content, accepted. In silence, in random mutterings.

but i return to my room, discontent. so much more could be done with those few hours, so much more could be done with my life. i want to be inspired, stimulated, to have the drive to be an improved version each day, in the way i want to be better.

but you make me content in this nothingness we share, at least when we are next to each other. people say they can simply stare at the wonders of nature, thinking of nothing. do i not know how to enjoy the simplicity of life?

you are motivated, you have the drive to be better, you remind me to not be stuck in this lull.

but we grow in such different ways. we both understand the concept of growth, we simply take very different steps.

but you remind me to be better.

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i am the one with the problems.

i am currently insufficient for myself, to be able to find concrete ways to grow in the ways i want to.

i want to be perfect to gain acceptance. i lack the certainty, the confidence. i let myself drown in my worries. i second-guess myself. i stop myself from trying.

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it is a privilege to have people who remind you of growth. i let myself feel sad over the loss of a  friend, unable to let go. let myself withdraw. there are people who can connect with me, yet i'm too tired and withdrawn to initiate.

there are wonderful people out there who appreciate you, you have to initiate. stop shutting the world out. just stop.

tell them you appreciate them too. be the first to reach out. just go.

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there is no point thinking about the meaninglessness of existence.
reach out to people now, the ones you admire and are intimidated by.

go.